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Tiger Kaos

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Saying Goodbye [Sep. 5th, 2004|09:47 pm]
Tiger Kaos
[Feeling |calmcalm]

I don't have much time right now. I've had a... er.. odd day hehe.

I went to a family barbecue today... though really it was more of a gathering at my aunt's house to spread my grandfather's ashes (because he loved her house so much, they were 'setting him free' there).
It was a really happy day, but you know how everything is... they cover up their hurt and their pain... so it was a 'happy day' but it was... not 'put on' but... I don't know. Just... ignoring the sadness.
My grandmother spent most of the day in one of their rooms because she was ill... but I think it was because she didn't want to face anyone.
So we spent the entire day eating lots and lots of food which was good. I'm kinda stuffed that I could burst. But WOO with the desert! Lol.
Then... finally... it was getting darker and I guess it couldn't be put off any longer.
He was my step-grandfather so I felt a little... distanced from everyone else as they were my step-family... but of course I've known them all for so long that I do consider them family.
They took out the case which he was in... and his children kept talking to him and everything. It was really sad because right then, it was all forced... I mean, they pretended that it didn't hurt them anymore. Then finally, we went around her farm and my dad went first and took a handful of his ashes and spread it around. We all took a turn which was.... nice. Not nice in that 'oh that's lovely' but... it was nice because it kinda stengthened the family relationship if that makes any sense. I felt really... part of their family.
I did it too. At first I was apprehensive... My uncle held out the pot for me and at first I didn't realise what he was saying. But then I nodded... I wanted to say goodbye. I thought beforehand, whenever I saw people cremating their deceased family members and keeping the jars in their house, that it was creepy... I mean... actually holding SOMEONE... or at least who used to be someone... But when I was asked... I didn't care. I went up and looked inside the jar and surprisingly I didn't feel disgusted.... in fact, as I took a handful myself, I felt ashamed... Like I was disturbing him. But as we spread it around everyone was saying he was finally free.
So we all walked back towards the house and we stopped by a pond that they had... everyone making 'polite' conversation. It was weird. My hand was completely dusty and greyed and still I wasn't disgusted. I was looking at the pond then for some weird reason, I had this image of him holding that hand and smiling his happy smile.
It was good. But then finally, everyone did break down.
We left right after that. I feel like I want to cry, but nothing's coming out. Maybe I am just happy that he's.... 'free'.

I suppose you'd rather not get depressed rotflmao, so I'm changing the subject now.

This morning I started reading 'Tess of the d'Urbervilles' by Thomas Hardy. I loved it surprisingly. I really did. It was hooked. I finished it today too. Great book.

Currently reading Robert Graves' 'Goodbye To All That'. Ever since English Literature, I've been really interested in Robert Graves, Siegfried Sassoon and Wilfred Owen. Lucky that I get to study them this year. I need to order more books of their 'Collected Poems'. Also looking forward to reading 'Birdsong' by Sebastian Faulks... though I'm not sure I'm all that excited about 'Catch 22'.
Oh another book I've read this summer was 'Regeneration' - part one of the trilogy by Pat Barker. It's a great book really.... brilliant. It's got me even more interested in Sassoon, Graves and Owen.

Enough rant about War Literature.
I'm going back to school tomorrow.
Oh let's end on a depressing note shall we?! Rotflmao.

*huggles and glomps everyone*
Just wanted to say thanks you guys. ^_^
Hope you're all having a good weekend.

I'm probably busy tomorrow night again, so I should be back by Tuesday.
Take care all. I'd better go to bed.
Love ya.
Link14 Dreamers|Slip Into A Fantasy

*^&^$%&&*$^%(^ [Sep. 3rd, 2004|07:12 pm]
Tiger Kaos
[Feeling |pissed offpissed off]

I wrote a freakin long entry... then it doesn't update and I lost it all.
*swears* *grumbles*
I hate it when that happens.
Why do I never learn.
Brilliant. Can't be bothered to rewrite the whole ******* thing.

*takes a deep breath*

But, back to the important part...

I need help! I'm doing English Language coursework at the moment and I'm studying Language Change.... mainly how film/movies reflect real life (and vice versa) and the changes that occur. Both American English and British English researchers and studies would be helpful. Anyone know any?
I'm focusing on stuff like 'Is it different?', 'How' and 'Why'? etc etc. *sigh*
This is so badly explained. I explained it all better earlier, but now I'm just frustrated and annoyed.


Hope someone can help me though.

...Note to self:
Must remember the years 1961 and 1998 - 37 years apart.
Link6 Dreamers|Slip Into A Fantasy

*cries* [Aug. 31st, 2004|09:18 pm]
Tiger Kaos
[Feeling |sadsad]
[Listening to |My sniffling....lol... The fic's THAT good.]

Oh. My. Gawd.
This is the absolutely most beautiful fic I have ever read. I've never read one which has made me cry as much as this. I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO recommend it to everyone.
Ezie, thank you SO much for recommending this to me. *sobs*
I warning though:
This is a Draco/Harry (slash a duh) fic and contains *ahem - uses movie voiceover voice* scenes of a sexual nature. *ahem - back to normal voice* Although it is very well written and isn't rude or cheesy in anyway shape or form. It is also rated R so if you click...well, it's your fault not mine lol.
And don't worry, it's a link to the site, not an lj cut. ^^
Those continuing:
Click away!
Must. Find. Something. Else. To. Write. About.


Oh wait, there is. Lol.
*gasp* I'm fighting the urge of closing down my website. I don't have much time for it anymore and it's driving me mad. I don't know whether I should close it or not. *sigh* Need to talk to people.


Must remember to register for photography courses tomorrow, otherwise I'm going to kick myself in the head. *mutters*


Oh and must do homework. Stupid stupid movies. *sighs*

Anyway, must go.
But WOOOOOOO *glomps all RPing buddies* ... *and non-RPing buddies*
Love ya muchos!
Link15 Dreamers|Slip Into A Fantasy

(no subject) [Aug. 27th, 2004|11:57 pm]
Tiger Kaos
[Feeling |weirdweird]

If I fell would you catch me? Or would I need to try and stand on my own... again...?

Sick of falling, sick of failing...

Wish she'd just let me be me, wish she'd let me run my own life, wish she'd stop thinking I'm to blame for everything...

Been told wishing's for people who don't do anything with their lives... I'm not like that...
I just need to be... free.

And, as a favorite song of mine says:

Refuse to feel anything at all
Refuse to slip
Refuse to fall
Can't be weak
Can't stand still
Watch your back
Cause no one will

That's what I need to be... Still, she always manages to break me...

Am I a coward or do I just love my mother too much?
Link4 Dreamers|Slip Into A Fantasy

(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2004|03:27 pm]
Tiger Kaos
[Feeling |cheerfulcheerful]

Apparantly, they upped train prices to get to London to £33!!! Can you believe it?! How freakin expensive is that! I don't know if I can go with a price like that... but we'll see. *sigh* Please tell me they got it wrong...
Okay okay okay... I'm a little out of it at the moment....
I owe people graphics so Im getting back to that slowly... Res I got your back definitely!
Now, please no one kick me or anything...
*ducks* But who else do I owe stuff? I mean I should get it back to you by this Saturday and everything...
So I apologise lots for being so.... confuddled!
Oh and Dev, I should SO be talking to you soon.
I'm out tonight and all day tomorrow, but I should be back regularly on Thursday from now on.
*hugs all my friends*
I owe you guys journal replies... I promise promise PROMISE to do that on Thursday!
Take care everyone....
and PLEASE accept my huge HUGE apologies...
I'm such a scatter-brain...

and on a Harry Potter note...
It's 'big news' that they had to change the 6th book title to add a hyphen so it's now 'Half-Blood Prince' because of American grammar. Isn't it supposed to be like that anyway? lol. Woo. *ahem*
Link2 Dreamers|Slip Into A Fantasy

Everything's back to normal [Aug. 19th, 2004|08:41 pm]
Tiger Kaos
[Feeling |tiredtired]
[Listening to |The computer fan lol]

Well, I'm back!
I'm home!
I'm tired! *yawn* lol.
Not used to the jet lag yet but I thought I might rant about my holiday.

It was so fab!
We hardly had any rest because we always had something to do.
Arrived Saturday, didnt do anything else but relax then.
Sunday and Monday we went shopping since our Theme Park days had to be put on hold. We were also supposed to see the rocket launch on Monday morning at 2 am from the Kennedy Space Center. It didn’t take off and we were so far away, it was pointless. But NASA visit was great fun!
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday we hit Disney World - Magic Kingdom, Epcot, MGM Studios and Animal Kingdom.
It was SO awesome! I even got to have pictures with loads of Disney characters! Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, Pluto, Captain Hook and Mr Smee, Chip and Dale, Mary Poppins, Rafiki, Dopey, Timon....
Man, I felt like such a kid again and I hope no one knew I'm 18. Lol.
Naw, just kidding. It was so fun. I loved it. And Wishes was BEAUTIFUL. Illuminations was alright but Fantasmic was greaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!
Saturday we went to Seaworld. It was awesome, though the show in Ocean Park in Hong Kong or the Seaworld in California was better. There were too many pauses in the shows in Seaworld Orlando. We did get to Dine With Shamu, even got a little splashed! Lol. My poor poor cheesecake lmao.
Sunday we went to Universal Studios. It was so awesome. I LOVE Universal Studios! It was so fun.
Monday was swimming with Dolphins day at Discovery Cove. MAN that place ROCKED. I mean, it was really posh and beautiful…. And WOW. I spent all day swimming in the tropical river (after going everywhere else) and man I got REALLY tanned. I mean REALLY tanned. And I never even GET tanned.
Tuesday was…. Er… I’ve forgotten… wait wait…. No I don’t remember. Drat. What have I missed?!
Wednesday we wasted it in Busch Gardens (or was this on Tuesday? Then what did I do on Wednesday?! Gah, either way…). It was a complete waste of time. It wasn’t that interesting and the service was TERRIBLE. Never go back THERE again. Huff.
And lastly, Thursday we went to Universal Studios: Islands of Adventure and CityWalk. Dude this place rocked too. I mean, sure it rained so we didn’t get to do a lot, but we went on all the coasters we wanted to. It was so great. I wanted to do the water rides, but no one wanted to go on them with me. Oh well.
Friday, the storm hit. So we stayed in. We were supposed to be swimming with manatees but oh well. It was so much fun relaxing.
Saturday we were supposed to fly out, but then Sanford airport closed so we couldn’t do much. We had to extend another day.
We flew out Sunday and I got back to England Monday morning.
It was such an amazing holiday. And even if it was very tiring, it was fun! Though I missed Las Vegas lol.
This trip was full of unusual and special things which we don’t normally have happening. Swimming with dolphins and sting rays, dining with shamu, getting stranded in a hotel in a storm, oh yeah, and getting locked in a ride for about 20 minutes. The Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith shut down due to someone going where they shouldn’t, and we were about to hit the first loop when we slid back down and the ride stopped. We were in complete darkness even if the music was blaring. It was fun!
Oh and another funny experience was on the way back to England, when I passed through the metal detector I had to get pulled aside because my jeans were studded by metal all down the legs and around the hem… so you can imagine me standing there for 5 minutes while everyone passing was staring as the hand metal detector wouldn’t stop beeping as it passed over me.
It was a great holiday.

To top it all off, today I got my exam results. You can get grades A to E and then a U for ungraded. I was hoping for at least Cs across the board…. And I got it! Woo. Although I got 4 Cs and 2 Bs. Not that amazing really but at least I didn’t fail. That’s okay right? I’ve still got the second half to bring it up.

And of course, I’ve got a lot going for me, so everything’s fab.

Aside from the fact that my life wouldn’t be complete without my mom getting annoyed at me as usual.
Even her sisters know what she’s like and how irritating it is. Unfortunately they don’t have to live with her.
Oh well, here goes another year.
And not to mention she was like that on the trip too. *Sigh* Wonderful.
I'm just glad for my friend who came with me. She made it SO much better. She was so great!

I need to go research SATs because I need to take them if I want to study in the USA. So fingers crossed everyone.

Better run. Things to do and people to hang with. You guys rock! My friends so totally rock! *great big huggles to everyone*

Gotta jet! Byeeeee!
Link10 Dreamers|Slip Into A Fantasy

Sorry! [Aug. 14th, 2004|10:56 am]
Tiger Kaos
[Feeling |curiouscurious]

Hello to everyone!
I'm sorry for the delay! I owe people graphics and just chats of course.
Unfortunately, I was supposed to fly back to England today since I've just ended by holiday. But Hurricane Charley decided to hit Florida so I'm stuck here and I don't know how long for. So I'll have to get back to you guys asap.
It's a really fun but very busy holiday. HAdn't had the chance to rest.
THis holiday was so fun but I miss home, I miss my cats, I miss my computer and I miss all you guys.
Again, major apologies.
See you later! SOon hopefully!
xx me xx
Link8 Dreamers|Slip Into A Fantasy

(no subject) [Jul. 26th, 2004|02:33 pm]
Tiger Kaos
More Harry Potter goodness, Kibim, not sure if you'd like whats in here:

Cut-cut-cut-ca-da-datCollapse )
LinkSlip Into A Fantasy

(no subject) [Jul. 26th, 2004|02:28 pm]
Tiger Kaos
All Harry Potter quizzes baybeeeeeee. Warning to Kibim though!

DRACO! *grin*Collapse )

I hate how LJ won't let you post it all in one go. ROAR.
LinkSlip Into A Fantasy

(no subject) [Jul. 26th, 2004|01:40 pm]
Tiger Kaos
[Feeling |curiouscurious]

This is fun!

More random and HP QuizzesCollapse )

............ I'm such a fangirl lmao

Anyone know of any more HP quizzes I can take? *grin grin*

Hmm... suddenly I want to make my own quiz so I can make pretty pictures lmao. Anyone want to make the quiz for me and I'll make the pictures? I'm lazy see lol.

*Extra note: I roar a lot don't I? It wasn't actually because of the Tigerness... but hey, it works... lmao ROAR. It means a lot of things to me.. roar of happiness or sadness or annoyance... just ROAR *Grin*

*Extra extra note: Though I seem to have a one track mind on Draco, I still love Harry *snickers*
Link2 Dreamers|Slip Into A Fantasy

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